I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
