What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
