things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
