I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
