he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vagina is officially offended.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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