i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
