great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
