Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
