I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
