i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We left the knife in your bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
