im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
