My liver just broke up with me...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
