my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
