she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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