GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
