btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
