So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
