HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
