So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why do cheetos always look like penises
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
