but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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