There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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