I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
