Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
