its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
