The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
