Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
