I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
