I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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