Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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