i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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