i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
