My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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