we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
