my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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