My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
