Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
