Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
