I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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