I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
