did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
