Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
