You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
