I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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