you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
