I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
