Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
