i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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