come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
