you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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