But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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