You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
