Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
