I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
