Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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