you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
