Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
