alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
