i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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