I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
