I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
