i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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