My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
