And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's always time for handjobs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
