She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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