He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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