i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
