dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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