At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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