Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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