party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i will never coherently bang her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
