i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
