What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
