She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
