I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
