I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sarcasm needs its own font
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
