I looked at my own cervix.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
